I realised that in most circumstances, I am the first person to wish I didn’t have to go to office or had a leave to give it a skip…well, my wish came true almost surprisingly on Thursday when I saw what had happened to the city that I claimed was the safest metro in the nation. Amongst the constant terror images and thousand calls all over the place, I clearly didn’t enjoy my long leave this time.
But its only after day 1 or maybe 2 that I realised this was not just another bomb blast or a terrorist attack….it was much more than that. It was not the no. of people who died and how they died, it was not whether the government and the ministers will again crack their ridiculous comments and pass the buck (I would have been surprised had they to act otherwise and say something smart) and it was not about the thousands of new channels trying to make “breaking news” out of almost everything. This time it was about “Fear” and ensuring that the emotional scars of an attack remain in people’s mind for a long time to come, just like 9/11.
Mumbai has seen worse, its seen everything from blasts in local trains that harbour millions of local travellers daily to floods that brought the city to a standstill. But in the midst of all that within 48 hrs or even less people were back on the streets, to their offices to try and prove to the world that this is a city that will always win and survive. But I am sorry to say this time that no matter what people try and say to make the whole situation feel better, we have lost. We have lost to the fact that almost 8 out of 10 people are thinking if its safe to step out and party or go for a movie or even sip a cuppa coffee at a popular joint. No other terror hit on the city left being a shadow and element of “what if?”. What if there were more than 10 militants who came in? What if they are still hiding in some place with the help of local contacts and decide to make a mockery of us and strike again? (they have no remorse anyways and are willing to die and take as many with them as they can). What if I (and more importantly a loved one) steps out and does not come back?
This fear has already got the most of us with parents and well wishers urging their kids to stay indoors for a while. While its nice to try and act strong and ask people to get back to their routine work to show the world that we are strong and can get over it, my heart goes out to all those people who are running between funerals and funeral arrangements for some close people. On the other hand I am proud of people like Unnikrishnan’s father for shooing away the CM like a dog (its remarkable that he kept on smiling after all that) and Karkare’s wife who slapped the government on the face by refusing the compensation offered (they really thought money would help?). Shobha De was right, had R R Patil invested that time in taking the ISI hints 4 months back rather than chasing poor dancebar girls, we probably would not have been badly hit.
Please take a moment for all those people who lost their lives and their loved ones in these horrific attacks (we lost some of our finest). There was a time when I would argue with my friends in other cities saying that Mumbai is the only place where I feel safe and can go out at any hour. I am sorry to say that I don’t feel like that anymore. I am sad and I am angry and I hope that the new year has better times for us to come….financially and emotionally.
Nivedita used to be a free lance writer in an earlier life and has decided to come out of hiding every now and then to post on this blog. She has a healthy appetite for everything except food and her occasional absent mindedness is usually hidden under the pile of broken keyboards by her side having suffered a torturous death by the fervor of her typing that can put the greatest Sholin masters to shame.
